Bad Girl Instincts

Hey bloggers!  I have been floored with a bug and away with work so have been rubbish at posting but lots of things are changing :)

Well I didn't get the job I went for, but I did get the offer of a pay off from my current workplace.  It is the equivalent of 5 months wages give/take so now all I need to decide whether I should do the 'sensible' thing and stay which in fact might not turn out to be so sensible in the long run OR to take the cash and run, embrace being able to buy a few things and grab a bit of life for a month before jumping back on the job hunt with proper GRRR.

I have just under a week to decide as if I am leaving I need to have my compromise agreement signed off by a solicitor and back to them in this time frame.  Love that I have a decision.  Many people haven't had that luxury and so I'm going to embrace the fact I do and whatever I decide take the whole thing head on.

In other news I met with Mr X sister, mum and family yesterday as they are in the UK visiting and renewing passports.  It was great to see Cilla (his sister) as we talk a heap anyway but surprisingly seeing his mum was completely painless.  I was really worried that it was going to be upsetting or awkward but the whole thing was actually really nice.  I have finally closed that chapter in my book.  I did seem however, to be a bit of an outlet for their thoughts on his recent speedy engagement which it seems everyone hardheartedly disapproves of. Ironically I found myself sounding like the level headed one in the room giving it 'He must really like her... I am sure it will be fine... I know it is soon but maybe it is right'.  Oh the irony considering since he asked his sister to tell me, he has firmly ensured he is off the grid. 

I'm otherwise distracted when it comes to all things men at the moment anyway.  In taking some space and ending things with Cherry, In an unlikely move I seem to have stumbled upon an old face.  It has been as back and forth as Wimbledon the few days in terms of us talking.  It has been a lot of fun but definitely unexpected.  It absolutely has the potential to be complicated.  It is currently open to interpretation but is however right now completely innocent.  It has seen my face sporting a cheeky smile the last few days.

The guy (lets call him Beez) is someone I have been very aware of as 'hot' since we first met when I took a job at a bar years ago.  The job didn't last long as it was just a 'filler' as I'd jumped back into the City following a year or so of 'Mary Poppins' type adventures.  Due to common friends and similar taste in music however, from that moment on he has always been a familiar face in the crowd.  Beez and I have never been more than acquaintances that on occasion due to the setting/timing have had a rapid but short lived burst of contact and a few giggles.  I feel that might just have tilted that somewhat this last week.

Ok so here is the lowdown...  Beez is the same age as me, comes from a wealthy family but was absolutely brought up with a 'you need to work for it' attitude.  We first met when I was around 23?  and the minute I saw him I was like Phwoar and remember texting Balloo who came down to the bar shortly after to see 'what all the fuss was about'.  Beez was most definitely the kind of punky, grungy, funky looking guy I always had on the radar (particularly back then) but for some reason the type of guy I equally have never ended up dating.  Beez day to day look at that time was 3/4 black shorts, kicks and a fitted t-shirt.  Few tatttoo's, funked up hair and a pierced lip.  These days he absolutely still rocks the look but with a few changes.  The piercing is gone, the tattoo's have multiplied and as for his dress sense... You have to see it to understand that it absolutely works but needless to say he ticks every single box.  Oh and did I mention he is 6ft 4, intelligent, is a drummer and a guitarist, owns his own business - an up and coming and yet already successful recording studio that has recorded #1 albums for a couple of bands, he is also as much of a mixed bag as I am in terms of background and interests.  Did I mention... Yum!

So after a few days of chatting (and yes a little flirting) while I've been laid up in bed with the bug from hell,  Beez asked me to a gig last night to which he had VIP passes - a perk of the job which sees him attending  most gigs/festivals/events of interest with one of those all coveted back stage passes.  I absolutely wanted to go, but in reality wasn't really up to it.  Beez however didn't skip a beat.  He wasn't intrusive or pushy in the slightest but assured me that I absolutely couldn't look as bad as I felt I did and that he was more than willing to patch the gig if I felt up to hanging out... before I knew it he had hopped a train to my city and was walking to my flat.  I headed out to meet him and to pick up a few mixers and well... He was rocking the blast from the past look and walking towards me with a huge smile on his face as I was trying to regain the use of speech.  We spent the next seven hours listening to music, chatting, laughing, eating pizza, drinking gin, flirting a little and I guess getting to actually know each other.  It was relaxed and when he left to catch the last train home I absolutely knew that this is someone I need to have in my life.  The context is somewhat more complicated.

Here is the bad girl bit...

Beez has a girlfriend.  She lives with him in the flat he owns.  They have been going out a few years now.  He isn't a smoke and mirrors person and we haven't crossed any lines.  For all intents and purposes last night we were two people hanging out talking about life, work, music and yes a little about love/sex.  He has made no secret of the fact he cares for her greatly but they are most definitely at a juxture at the moment where their lives seem to be drifting in different directions.  His plan is for them to talk and decide the 'what next' part.  I do get the feeling that they are both going to make the decision to hug it out and move on while staying really great friends but I guess watch this space.  Don't get me wrong this isn't an EITHER/OR scenario.  There was no conversation about an 'us' and nor would I have wanted there to be one.  The night absolutely wasn't in that context, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't taken particular interest in some of our conversation (and noticed him doing something similar).  No, it was just a really great night, in really great company and regardless of what happens from here on in, all I am sure of is that I would happily spend an evening in his company in any context.  I'm not thinking way down the line as sometimes you just need to live in the moment and see where it takes you but I just have a feeling.  Not necessarily a 'happily ever after bf/gf' one, maybe just a 'Actually this someone kinda gets me and I should spend time around them' thing.  Either way, I'm going to make sure this time he and I hang out more often.  I definitely need a Beez in my life.

Laura Izibor - If Tonight Is My Last
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Seriously?!!?

Things are completely crazy busy at the moment and I'm going to be away until Friday this week with work but there are some definite updates so here you go:

Mr X

I pinged him the other day just as a 'hi there hello' on whattsapp.  I only got 1 tick and couldn't see when he was last online but didn't read too much into it, however when I didn't get a reply I logged in to give him a nudge and then I realised... I have been blocked.

Those of you who have been following the blog for a few years now will know that when things go quiet it usually means Mr X is having a girl drama.  Anyway this morning his sister spoke to me and said that Mr X had asked her to speak to me as he 'didn't know how to say it'.  He got engaged to his girlfriend of 4 months yesterday.

• Disappointed that he didn't tell me himself - yes
• Annoyed that he put his sister in that position asking her to tell me - yes
• Confident that I can still read him like a book - definitely
• Upset - somewhat
• Reaction - Pah

Work

• Voluntary redundancies announced this Thursday
• TUPE accreditation training for me tomorrow
• Conference on Wednesday and I've to speak re an emergency proposition
• Interview last week for a job I quite fancy - I think the interview went well as it played to my strengths in the form of a 40min presentation

The Rest

• Bleugh

Sometimes...

Work

Things are still crazy!  Do I take the pay off and hope to find something else knowing that I had planned to leave anyway although in the knowledge that I've been looking for months and have yet to find anything, or do I stay and hope that this is a fortunate twist of fate.  In terms of a golden handshake goodbye it would be a great one if I had something lined up.

On a positive note I was called yesterday about a job I applied for a month ago.  I have an interview lined up this coming week.  It isn't an ideal job but the salary is good, the role is permanent, the job is one with a zazzy title and if I could line my ducks up fast enough I could step into it and still take the pay off from my current company.

Money

I still have none.  Bills, bridesmaid duties and 101 other things are all creeping up so in short I need a miracle.  If something doesn't give soon I'm going to have to move out of my current apartment into something much smaller and more than likely out of town.

Love

Considering I put myself back online I've really not put any effort into it and so should I be surprised I've yet to be swept off my feet?  Probably not.  I'm sure there is someone out there for me.  Perhaps he will come and sweep me off my feet when I'm in the right place :)

Sometimes you need someone to pick you up and dust you off

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Sometimes you need someone to give you a hug

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Sometimes you need space to find yourself again

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Sometimes... sometimes all you need is a bubble bath and a shot of bourbon. Cheers!

Adrianne - 10000 Stones

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The Rules

Some might argue that having a set of 'rules' for dating would constitute as 'playing games' but as every savvy 21st century girl knows... A girl has to be in control at all times.  So for your blog reading pleasure, let me break mine down for you.

The Ser3ndipity guide to Online Dating

DON'T

Share too much information before you actually meet (you might not be talking to who you think you are and really?!?  Keep a little mystery)

DO

Cover the basics and keep your answers a little vague.  This means you will have a few decent kick off points for conversation should you meet.

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DON'T

Swap email addresses.  Why would you need to swap email addresses when you are already communicating via a site - do you really want to let a guy you aren't serious about gain access to your personal info in the form of 192 people, Facebook, Myspace.  Errr no!

DO

Ignore the request and move on.  Most guys seem to drop the suggestion at this point and if they don't I would be questioning why it is so important to them

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DON'T

Switch mobile numbers.  Ok so there might be a requirement to do this depending on the circumstance but do you really want to hand this over when the first stages of dating can really be a numbers game.  

DO

If you really want to swap digits before meeting or early on... get KIK.  All you need is a username and it is Eh Voila instant communication.

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DON'T

Tell the person specifics about where you live or work.  

DO

Answer the question but keep it vague enough that there is no chance of this guy/girl foursquaring your ass.  Opt for:  In the city centre, Westend, Eastend, just outside of town.  

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DON'T

Date in your local bar or favorite haunts.  I know this feels 'safer' but say it doesn't go well or you have a few dates and decide to pull the plug.  Do you really want this guy to know where you will/won't be hanging out most weekends?  Also... Do you want the staff thinking you are a 'Playa'.

DO

Pick somewhere in an area you are comfortable with that has good transport links and is somewhat well populated.  And I can't run this one home enough... Tell someone where you are, who you are meeting and be sure to check in.

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DON'T

Put 5year old or heavily photoshopped pics up.  If you air brush yourself too much are you ever going to feel comfortable meeting?  Nobody wants to the girl who 'looks hotter in a photo'

DO

Pick a happy smiley and recent photo of you doing something you love.  Embrace the flattering angle but remember to smile (trout pout might seem good at the time but in reality you just look like a duck).

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DON'T

Post topless, sexy photos of yourself and then explain in your blurb that you aren't looking for one night stands and hook ups.  

DO

Let the photos do the talking and keep your clothes on!

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DON'T

Plan something crazy and wild for a first date.  Within the first few minutes of meeting each other you might both realise he/she isn't for you and I can't think of anything worse than having to endure that for a whole meal/paintball game.

DO

Go simple.  Pick somewhere quiet enough to talk but with enough visual distractions to keep the conversation flowing should you both have an attack of nerves.

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DON'T

Play the waiting game OR Text reply like you superglued your mobile to your face.

DO

If you had a nice time let him/her know AND take a few minutes to think about what you want to say before replying.  I

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DON'T

Be overly available.  Eager beaver can seem like a good idea at the time but remember you are a girl/guy with a life and you aren't at his/her beckon call.  

DO

Tell him/her if you already have plans (start as you mean to go on, friends first... if he/she has asked you out again you can be pretty certain they will be happy to wait till your calendars are both free). 

Sash - Mysterious Times

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Find Me

So I've decided to put myself back online in the hopes that with a little fun along the way I'll eventually meet someone who will knock me off my feet.  The thing is, writing a profile is a complete nightmare!  There's a huge white box and you are supposed to fill it with witty things that make you sound sexy and fun and desirable yet humble and modest... It is impossible!

So I open the challenge to any blogger who has been following this blog (and the previous two perhaps) to comment below any suggestions that I should put in my profile... I mean you people probably know the inner workings of my mind better than anyone.

Wouldn't it be great if you could just blurb it out without worrying how it might come across or sound.

Hey, 

I'm glad you stumbled upon my profile because I have been waiting for someone like you in my life for a little while.  It isn't often that I meet someone that can hold my attention in all the right ways and yet you seem to tick all the boxes.  I love it when you open the door, pull out my chair, take the road side when we are walking down the street and ensure your language is never foul in my company.   

Since we met I've had the widest smile on my face and every time you walk into the room I get nervous and have butterflies.  I love that we can talk for hours about something and nothing and that I can sit snuggled in your arms without saying a word without any awkwardness.  I learn something new about you each time I think I might be starting to work you out and that you are full of surprises and spontaneity.  I love that you spoil me and yet it is the little romantic things that you do that make me realise how easily I could fall for you. 

When we kiss I forget everything and everyone around me and when I look up and into your eyes I know I have somehow found home.  You make me feel safe and bring out the best in me. 

Now all I have to do is find you...

Back in the real world... I am struggling to even think of a username.  Seriously... Comment!

Ed Sheeran - Fall

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I've Got This

To say things have been tipped on their head this week is an understatement.  Things ended with Cherry, the company I work for officially announced a plan to route work elsewhere and redundancy is firmly on the table (I've known for some time due to my role however the other 3000 not in the loop exploded in a floods of tears and anger).  It is safe to say this week was set up to be emotional rollercoaster.  I've been too busy to notice.

For all intents and purposes I am mid-way through going down the plug hole and yet somehow I feel... Alive?

Ok so my working life has gone from bad to worse, the first relationship I've invested myself in for a long time fell flat on its knees, financially I am in a black hole but you know what...  I've got it.

You can only take life one day at a time and I can only do as much as I can do.  So what if I need to apply for 1001 jobs before someone bothers to actually LOOK at my CV.  Who cares that the last relationship I had fell flat on its face.  As for money... I've never really had any so if I need to tighten the purse strings a little more then what the hell... It's not like I'm incapable of doing it, I was brought up on a shoestring.

This might just be the complete and total disaster that my life needed.

I've absolutely no idea where to go from here and yet I somehow on this occasion think that is ok.  Everything is going to be ok.

I'm not a Princess. I don't need saving.  I'm the Queen.  I've got this shit handled.

Cary Brothers - Belong

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Juxtaposition

As of 8:58pm this evening I'm officially single again.

I'm pretty numb about it all.  There is some serious irony to be found in that choice of wording.

In the end it was a particularly short exchange via text message (the Cherry comfort zone), and something that formed out of mutual understanding.  I need things he was unable to give and he needs to sort out his space before anyone will be able to step into that part of his life.  

If all realisations were reached this quickly... 

I shed a single tear (equally I appreciate the weirdness here),  Both eyes filled but only one trickled down my cheek, fat, hot and salty.

I know it was the right thing... I know it was better sooner than later... I know I'm meant for better things... I deserve better things...  When?

James Vincent Morrow - We Don't Eat

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Lines & Grooves

When I was young I had a friend called (ummm Willow) we went through a phase of spending most weekends together doing early-teenager things; hair, makeup, talking about boys.  One day, we were painting each others nails I think and I remember looking at Willow's hands and realising they were just like an old persons underneath - a myriad of lines and grooves and indents.

I remember commenting on it and Willow's great aunt telling us when we are put on this planet we are sent to learn a host of important lessons before we leave our bodies and move on to the next world. Sounds like the response you've heard a hundred times before right?  Wrong.  She then went on to tell us that because most people make mistakes along the way and miss some of the most important lessons, we often die because our bodies have become old before we have reached the end of our journey and so our souls are sent back to continue from the start - as a child.  She said the lines on a persons hand show how many lessons they have learnt and the depth of the groove how long they have been on the journey.

As you know I'm not really into religion, but I really like the theory.  It is simple, makes sense and I guess in a round about way would somehow rationalise why some people leave this world so young.  I mean, if you have ticked off all your lessons to go to the 'next stage' then why stick around.

I feel I'm at a point in my life where I keep going round and round the same lesson but for some reason keep missing the point.

Over the last few days I've had an insight into Cherry's head and I think I've somehow ended up with another guy with a broken wing.  Cherry has had a lot to contend with the last few years, his dad works away from home a lot, his mum has had a battle with cancer and he has had a few challenges of his own on the career front (the same as many people).  The thing is, Cherry said a phrase to me the other day that sent alarm bells going in my head at like 100-1 and I really don't know what to do about it.  

The phrase... 'I'm just a bit numb with everything at the moment'  The panic... It is a phrase I recognise really well as one that marked everything that signposted things with me and Mr X were never going to be right.  

I've spent a lot of time these last few years 'fixing people' and the last few months really trying to break the habit of a lifetime... What should I do with this information?  

I spend enough time keeping my own life on track and my head in the right space, I really don't have the energy to help someone else to get to the same place, or the stability to risk having someone knock it all down like a house of cards.  I'm essentially a girl who paints on an external face and covers cracks  on the inside.  The last three people to comment on my personality unprompted have used the words 'upbeat, smiley, positive, active, spontaneous'... I remember because it made me smile and simultaneously cringe.  I clearly do a great job with my hall of mirrors and no-one sees me as a bird with a broken wing.  The thing is... That also kinda means no-one will ever fix me.  Although there are worse things in this world than having to face it head on and solo.  I'm thinking perhaps one of those things might be pulling a sidekick along with you.  There are plenty of journeys in life that should be shared, but I'm pretty sure this isn't supposed one of them.  Cherry needs to walk his road alone and I need to get the hell outta there.

When I look at my hands there are definitely a few lines and grooves a little  different and deeper than perhaps those on someone elses, and I'm pretty sure some of them are meant to involve someone else... You can't fall in love and have your heart broken by yourself, but I think if you are going to step into someone else's 'hand space', it needs to be someone special, and someone you love because if you aren't careful, you could get dragged down a crevice, and that isn't a risk you should take for just anyone.

This all feels somehow so familiar, and yet I feel there is some underlying message I should be but am not picking up on.  Either way, I can think of nothing more I would rather do right now than pack up, jump on a bus and keep going.

Gareth Dunlop - Wrap Your Arms Around Me

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Does Size Matter?

Does size matter..?

It is a question that has multiple meanings.  For women it is all about body size and shape and for men, well its more of a length/girth thing.  Either way the answer is always the same.  Yes.

I was picking up a prescription yesterday afternoon and overheard a conversation between two guys in their mid 20s.  They had been at a party a few nights before and some dude they know had decided to go all 1999 on their ass, pull out his cock and do a victory lap around the living room.  It appears the guy in question was hung like a donkey and as such the guys were having the 'have you measured yours' conversation.  To be honest this was a bit of a revelation to me as I had assumed that all men would have grabbed a tape measure or a ruler at some point (I mean I would if I was a bloke) but the words that came out of one of the guys lips next had me chuckling to myself most of last night.

"I have never taken a tape measure to my penis but have weighed it up against household objects... So no, I don't know the size of my penis, but what I do know is that it reaches the mute button on the remote control"

Utter genius!

As I've mentioned I think size absolutely matters, but that as with everything in life, all is relative.  A small penis in a tight vagina - it could be a perfect match?  I think for some girls, girth is more important (perhaps the slightly larger among us), and for others length takes on a more prominent feature.   Being a 21st century girl I've seen my fair share of penises on a personal level, however having trained as a nurse years ago that figure is through the roof and let me tell you... There is a whole world of variation out there.  Short, long, thin, fat, bent, bulbous, veiny, freckled, circumcised, pierced etc.  I have to say though, overall for me, it is the aesthetic element that seems to take highest priority.  

Girth isn't such a huge factor.  I've been doing pelvic floor muscles since I learnt their potential future value (not all sexual I hasten to add) watching euro trash when I was 14 or 15 so I have no worries in my 'size' department.  Circumcision again isn't so much of an issue as I've 'made friends' with both types and while a girl needs a differing set of skills for each... I really don't have a preference.  Length wise, I'm sure there is such a thing as too short but then again there is such a thing as too long (I might tell you about my experience with both in tomorrow's blog), but if you really care for a guy these can work given a few tweaks in the sexual position department.  For me, what really matters for me however is the rest.  I'm not a fan of kinks, bends, or mushroom type penis', large or saggy testicles, and if it isn't sticking to your stomach when it's hard (and yes this means when you are standing up... laying down and answering that question is cheating)... You aren't the guy for me.  Equally if you don't preen your boys bits, expect me to award you a 'must try harder' (excuse the pun) - If I am tending to my lady garden to make any experiences pleasurable for you, I most definitely expect the same in return. Then again, at least that is something that can easily be altered dependent on personal preference.  

So to summarise... Does size matter?  Yes, but not half as much as style ;P

Daft Punk - Get Lucky
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Wondering

A few things this last couple of days have had me really wonder about the Cherry situation... 

Is this the right guy for me?
Was I ready?
Am I ready?
Will I ever BE ready?
Are we right for each other?
Is he right for me?
Beyond the sexual is there anything there?
Is he too... bleugh?
Surely someone more spontaneous is better for me?
Is what I'm looking for something that I could never find?
How into me is Cherry?
Why is he so closed in some respects?
Is he feeling the same?
Will it last?
Do I want it to last?
Should I split up with him?
Would he care?
Would be be better as FBs?
Is that something he would want?
Will I always second guess myself in this way?
Have I been hurt so much nothing will ever be right?
Could Cherry hurt me?
Do I like him enough?
What made me tell him my secret?
Why is it that since then he seems to have shown a more loving side?
Is Cherry as f*cked up as I am?
Hmmm...

I Need You - James Newton Howard Ft. Vonda Shepard
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Just Like The Movies

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Lip Gloss Gossip

I am soooo in need of a girls night tonight! 

A couple of hours ago I was pretty sure something had come up as Clio had fallen off the radar which is unusual for her as she is a phone addict (has 2 and is on them alllll the time); but I have just been informed that we are good to go.

• Decent bottle of red (for me) - Check
  
• Bottle of rose (I've no idea what is decent there as it all tastes awful to me) for Clio - Check
• Malteasers & Aero bubbles - Check
• Gin & Vodka (just in case) - Check
• Face masks - Check
• Hair straighteners & makeup on standby (we shall be trying out a few new looks) - Check
• Two dildo's - Check
• New top I've bought for Clio as a surprise (she needs cheering up) - Check
• Nail polish & fluffy socks (ohhhh yeah) - Check
• Takeaway menu's - Check

If you were reading properly and didn't just skip that list 'because lists are boring' you will know that tomorrow's blog might be one to watch out for.  Yes... Clio now back in the dating world and following a rather clunky bedroom experience is feeling a little un-confident when it comes to certain aspects of new relationships so tonight we are going to be partaking in a glass or two of wine while I bring her up to speed.  Who knows... I might pick up a few new tips of my own ;)

Through The Glass - Stone Sour

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Here Comes The Boom

Sometimes life is really a challenge and at the moment it feels like life is standing around each corner with a plank of 2 by 4 ready to smack me in the face at every single opportunity.  Well screw you life!  I've never been the type of girl to give in and I don't intend to start now.  

Let me break it down for you...

MONEY

Basically I have none.  My bank account is in an eternal state of 'overdraft' so essentially not only do I not have money, but the cash I do have is already someone elses.  While I only own one credit card and I have less than £100 on there, the bills are rolling in. 

• I clearly decided I needed to be 'too warm' over the winter months and  so despite paying a hefty set amount to my energy supplier every month as this has previously enabled me to keep a rolling credit, this time around I actually owe them money.  The same goes for lighting... apparently my dislike of living in the dark is an expensive one.
• My car swallowed my entire bonus and despite an unexpected gesture from my brother who covered the entire cost of one repair, I am still in the land of 'recovery' and need to find another £400 I don't have to clear the insurance.
• Bridesmaid duties are stealing my cash and my time and due to a change in plans by Herb and bridesmaid #2, rather than them come here next month I now need to visit them again so hello to 2 flights, 4 bus tickets, 4 train tickets and the other chunk of cash I will need to be all 'ooo weddings'.  The hen weekend deposits, etc have also been a challenge.

So enough of that... I have no cash.  You've got it.  Simples.

LURRRVE

I've no idea where my head is at with Cherry.  

• Last week we hadn't seen each other for a while and our sexual tension had built up to breaking point.  Last weekend we met and rather than go into details I'll tell you all you need to know to jump to the right conclusions...  Cherry came over at 4ish, I answered the door wearing lingerie, Cherry left shattered the following morning as he had sports team training and I spent the next two days feeling like I'd gone three rounds with Nicola Adams.
• Since then we have both had a mega cold so between that and some intensity over the weekend I think we are both a little bit lost.

WORK

• The company I currently work for is at the start of an outsourcing deal.  I can't say much more at this point as with my position I know more than I really should, but the bottom line is - If I didn't need a career before, I certainly need a new job now.
• Application wise I seem to be applying like a mofo and getting nowhere.  I'm starting to appreciate that in this climate it isn't WHAT you know but WHO you know and unfortunately as a girl from a rough council estate with her roots set firmly in the lower class... I KNOW... NOONE!

FACEBOOK

• To Facebook or Not To Facebook... The jury is back.  We facebooked.

COMING UP...

Friday: I'm meeting Clio for a girls night (I'll tell you more about it tomorrow), it is sure to make for one interesting blog so watch this space.  I'm also set to go to the GUM clinic tomorrow to get my annual female MOT and to have my IUD removed - better decide now if I'm going to have a replacement in or am going to opt for something hormone based (urgh).

Saturday:  Hopefully meeting Red in the morning for coffee and a catchup then  it will be an afternoon of housework before meeting Cherry for dinner and a gig.

Sunday:  I've work but I shall be utilising the company printer to get 30 copies of my CV printed for next week when I fully intend to get suited up and head out knocking on the RIGHT doors in the hopes of securing a position.  Applying for advertised roles is clearly not working for me so it is time the up the ante.

Here Comes The Boom - P.O.D

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Keep On Keeping On

Well this last few days have been nothing short of filled with bad luck bloggers.

My car has officially become a total nightmare.  If it isn't one thing, its a

nother and all the while the bloomin thing only just passed its MOT and this time it appears my attempt at mechanic isn't quite good enough.  I dropped it 300 miles down South at my brothers on Sunday in the hopes that someone we know will be able to work out if it is worth fixing.  I then drove the 300 miles back in mums car with her in tow (she fancied a few days change of scenery) only to have her exhaust die during the trip so it was hello garage for a haggle from £149 to £99 and then goodbye even more cash.

Work wise, things are all over the place.  This girl can't seem to get a break in terms of employment despite my zazzy applications.  Ironically last week I spoke with OOJ who gave me a bit of a dressing down and a pep talk.  Apparently I sounded a little 'negative' which is something he said he was shocked at as is totally out of character for me and so he gave me the kick up the bum he felt I needed.  It worked a treat and while I'm still hitting my head against a brick wall, I am doing so with the same gusto as a shark chasing a steak.  OOJ equally sent me a couple of jobs he felt would be of interest (they weren't) but I definitely needed an injection of va-va-voom and he certainly helped.  My current position is in turmoil due to the company I work for being in a mess Internationally.  Big changes are afoot.

Love life wise I'm feeling a little... dull.  Cherry and I are taking things slowly which is definitely the approach I need to be embracing, however between one thing or another I think we are both walking a tightrope of sorts.  Rock on the summer.

Driving back down South again tomorrow to drop mum and her car off and see what's going on with mine so I shall ping you when I'm back.  Cherry... He's off on a stag weekend.  Lol.

To Facebook or not To Facebook

That my bloggers, is the question.  At least in the modern world.

As you know, I'm a bit of a Facebook addict.  I'm not someone who logs in to play games (in fact send me an invite to play candy crush or farmville more than once, and you are likely to either be deleted as a friend or at the very least removed from my news feed), or posts on a daily basis (maybe once or twice a week), but I do click the app on my phone at least three to four times a day to see what people are up to and to check out any interesting links/music.  I basically have a mini snoop.

I joined Facebook perhaps mid way through the revolution back in 2007 as Mr X kept singing its praises compared to my 'childish' sites such as MySpace and Bebo.  At first I hated it, you couldn't customise anything, nothing much seemed to happen, and the only people I had as friends were those that lived in the states.  A few years later and I actually know a couple of people with two accounts!  (Come to think of it, so do I... One for this blog and another for me). You meet someone new at work... they send you a request.  You go on a date... they send you a request.  You get chatting to a few people on a night out... they send you a request.  You are tagged, poked and liked to within an inch of your life and everything happens at light speed.  

The key to success within this world I have found, is to be selective in whom you invite to this inner circle of comedy Kodak moments and unfiltered procrastination.  I never invite/accept someone I'm dating, I'm careful with work type people, and as for Katie who used to live next door to you when you were seven who suddenly popped up and sent you a request... Accept, wait a day or two and then delete.  Trust me, Katie only wanted a snoop and won't even notice, you and she have about as much in common these days as a badger and a hedgehog.

The however quandary arises when you meet someone and you decide to become exclusive.  These days everyone is on Facebook and so as sure as chickens lay eggs something at some point will happen that will act as a catalyst to the 'add a friend' reaction.  In my case, it was one of those 'he/she is at the bathroom so I will have a quick peek and see what is going on' in the bar moments that somehow sparked a conversation and abracadabra... 'Ser3ndipity has added you as a friend'.  

Cherry has now been on my Facebook now for a few weeks.  He has essentially been handed an all access backstage pass to the good, the bad, the ugly and if he spent a little time browsing, a pretty concise view of the last five years of my life. I hasten to add here that I have NEVER posted about Mr X or anything to do with my dating/personal life.  Cherry on the other hand... limited.  His Facebook consists of a few photos (perhaps 20-30 compared with the hundreds I have been tagged in over the years), and a few status updates and bits of blurb scattered around.  Don't get me wrong bloggers, I'm not one of these cyber stalker people, but when you 'make friends' on Facebook it is a bit of a given that the first place you will click is the photos section and in this exchange, I drew the short straw.  On a scale of 1-10 in the utilisation of Facebook stakes, it appears I am perhaps a 7, where as Cherry is most definitely a 3.  Don't get me wrong, from conversations, I know he logs in often and has a similar number of friends to me on there, but in terms of his own updates, minimal.  And that brings us to the current dilemma...

When should you update your 'relationship status' on Facebook?

Before you start jumping to teenage conclusions, let me explain why this is something on the radar.  I'm not one of those 'air your dirty laundry' Facebook users, if you have had a crappy day or someone has said something mean to you... keep it to yourself!  Don't go posting 'he said, she said' all over the internet and similarly, don't go updating your relationship status every time you get laid or meet somebody new.  I like gossip as much as the next person but trying to keep track of whether someone is 'in a relationship', 'single' or are 'in a complicated relationship' is exhausting when they seem to change their mind on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis (A particular girl I know springs to mind here who has kept the rest of the world entertained with her yoyo relationship and cheating on/off fiancé for at least the last six months).  I also don't want to hear your RIP messages, see what you ate for your dinner, or hear about 'what a wonderful bf/gf/husband/wife you have'.  Just keep it coming with the comedy gold, witty procrastination, new music, interesting articles; and the occasional update about what is going on in your life.  As for the rest... I can do without it. 

That said, when you meet someone, date a while and then decide to give things a go, there is something to be said for updating things in the cyber world.  It removes the need for that awkward moment in a conversation with one of your close friends when you know you should tell them you're now off the dating band wagon, but it somehow feels like in doing so you are standing on a table doing the whole 'look at me, look at me' thing.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that updating your relationship status online wouldn't bring about the same, if not more attention, but it is the equivalent of letting off a fart in an elevator, within seconds and without the need for conversation, everyone knows.  All it takes is one click of the button and you have suddenly made the move from 'Ser3ndipity who dates a lot and runs in the other direction as soon as a guy starts to want commitment' to 'Ser3ndipity girlfriend'.  Simple.  

Reading this back, I can see I haven't really made a great job of explaining why I feel making this move is perhaps an important one for me.  Maybe when all is said and done it is about taking the last step to firmly close the Mr X book and in some weird way, I need that to be almost like a public announcement? 

Either way, I feel like I'm in 'weird ass stalker territory'.  Cherry is clearly a private person and so asking him to make such an update could be something he feels really uneasy about, but just updating my own status without adding the 'with...' part I know will somehow not scratch the itch and so is something I refuse to do.

Who knew meeting someone new would be so complicated.

Kate Miller-Heidke - The Tiger Inside Will Eat The Child
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The Strawberry Theory

Timing.  Life is all about timing.  

Logging online at the right time to find the perfect job just before the closing date, bumping into an old friend on the subway because you left 10mins late for work, forgetting your mobile and returning home only to realise you could have left your hair straighteners on, and of course... Sex.  

I tend to be the kind of girl that makes a guy wait if I'm dating.  Ironic really considering I'm also one to embrace the 21st century world of the FB when emotional commitment goes out the window and pure pleasure is on the cards.  The thing is bloggers, I'm a firm believer in the strawberry theory.  

The Strawberry Theory

You can pick a perfectly ripe looking strawberry, instantly take a bite and be somewhat disappointed.  It looked soft and juicy on the outside, but underneath the red exterior lay a slightly bitter, overly firm bite.  On the other hand, you can pick the same berry, place it in water overnight and the next day bite into the most succulent, sweet mouthful you could imagine.

Sex my bloggers is like a strawberry.
If instant gratification is all you are after, firm and slightly bitter is perfectly acceptable, however if you are going to be eating the fruit often, why not wait a while and ensure you are getting the best.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the strawberry theory, however both Clutz and Mr X from the first date waited two and three months respectively.  So you see bloggers, it would have been crazy to take such a tried and tested successful measure and ignore it with Cherry.  Although after several heated dates, a heap of hot texts and a post date 'night cap' last weekend, I quickly decided that six weeks was perfectly acceptable.

My parting thought for tonight's blog entry... Yowzer I have missed sex!

Joshua Radin - You Got What I Need
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