Hey bloggers! I have been floored with a bug and away with work so have been rubbish at posting but lots of things are changing :)Well I didn't get the job I went for, but I did get the offer of a pay off from my current workplace. It is the equivalent of 5 months wages give/take so now all I need to decide whether I should do the 'sensible' thing and stay which in fact might not turn out to be so sensible in the long run OR to take the cash and run, embrace being able to buy a few things and grab a bit of life for a month before jumping back on the job hunt with proper GRRR.
I have just under a week to decide as if I am leaving I need to have my compromise agreement signed off by a solicitor and back to them in this time frame. Love that I have a decision. Many people haven't had that luxury and so I'm going to embrace the fact I do and whatever I decide take the whole thing head on.
In other news I met with Mr X sister, mum and family yesterday as they are in the UK visiting and renewing passports. It was great to see Cilla (his sister) as we talk a heap anyway but surprisingly seeing his mum was completely painless. I was really worried that it was going to be upsetting or awkward but the whole thing was actually really nice. I have finally closed that chapter in my book. I did seem however, to be a bit of an outlet for their thoughts on his recent speedy engagement which it seems everyone hardheartedly disapproves of. Ironically I found myself sounding like the level headed one in the room giving it 'He must really like her... I am sure it will be fine... I know it is soon but maybe it is right'. Oh the irony considering since he asked his sister to tell me, he has firmly ensured he is off the grid. I'm otherwise distracted when it comes to all things men at the moment anyway. In taking some space and ending things with Cherry, In an unlikely move I seem to have stumbled upon an old face. It has been as back and forth as Wimbledon the few days in terms of us talking. It has been a lot of fun but definitely unexpected. It absolutely has the potential to be complicated. It is currently open to interpretation but is however right now completely innocent. It has seen my face sporting a cheeky smile the last few days.
The guy (lets call him Beez) is someone I have been very aware of as 'hot' since we first met when I took a job at a bar years ago. The job didn't last long as it was just a 'filler' as I'd jumped back into the City following a year or so of 'Mary Poppins' type adventures. Due to common friends and similar taste in music however, from that moment on he has always been a familiar face in the crowd. Beez and I have never been more than acquaintances that on occasion due to the setting/timing have had a rapid but short lived burst of contact and a few giggles. I feel that might just have tilted that somewhat this last week.
Ok so here is the lowdown... Beez is the same age as me, comes from a wealthy family but was absolutely brought up with a 'you need to work for it' attitude. We first met when I was around 23? and the minute I saw him I was like Phwoar and remember texting Balloo who came down to the bar shortly after to see 'what all the fuss was about'. Beez was most definitely the kind of punky, grungy, funky looking guy I always had on the radar (particularly back then) but for some reason the type of guy I equally have never ended up dating. Beez day to day look at that time was 3/4 black shorts, kicks and a fitted t-shirt. Few tatttoo's, funked up hair and a pierced lip. These days he absolutely still rocks the look but with a few changes. The piercing is gone, the tattoo's have multiplied and as for his dress sense... You have to see it to understand that it absolutely works but needless to say he ticks every single box. Oh and did I mention he is 6ft 4, intelligent, is a drummer and a guitarist, owns his own business - an up and coming and yet already successful recording studio that has recorded #1 albums for a couple of bands, he is also as much of a mixed bag as I am in terms of background and interests. Did I mention... Yum!
So after a few days of chatting (and yes a little flirting) while I've been laid up in bed with the bug from hell, Beez asked me to a gig last night to which he had VIP passes - a perk of the job which sees him attending most gigs/festivals/events of interest with one of those all coveted back stage passes. I absolutely wanted to go, but in reality wasn't really up to it. Beez however didn't skip a beat. He wasn't intrusive or pushy in the slightest but assured me that I absolutely couldn't look as bad as I felt I did and that he was more than willing to patch the gig if I felt up to hanging out... before I knew it he had hopped a train to my city and was walking to my flat. I headed out to meet him and to pick up a few mixers and well... He was rocking the blast from the past look and walking towards me with a huge smile on his face as I was trying to regain the use of speech. We spent the next seven hours listening to music, chatting, laughing, eating pizza, drinking gin, flirting a little and I guess getting to actually know each other. It was relaxed and when he left to catch the last train home I absolutely knew that this is someone I need to have in my life. The context is somewhat more complicated.Here is the bad girl bit...
Beez has a girlfriend. She lives with him in the flat he owns. They have been going out a few years now. He isn't a smoke and mirrors person and we haven't crossed any lines. For all intents and purposes last night we were two people hanging out talking about life, work, music and yes a little about love/sex. He has made no secret of the fact he cares for her greatly but they are most definitely at a juxture at the moment where their lives seem to be drifting in different directions. His plan is for them to talk and decide the 'what next' part. I do get the feeling that they are both going to make the decision to hug it out and move on while staying really great friends but I guess watch this space. Don't get me wrong this isn't an EITHER/OR scenario. There was no conversation about an 'us' and nor would I have wanted there to be one. The night absolutely wasn't in that context, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't taken particular interest in some of our conversation (and noticed him doing something similar). No, it was just a really great night, in really great company and regardless of what happens from here on in, all I am sure of is that I would happily spend an evening in his company in any context. I'm not thinking way down the line as sometimes you just need to live in the moment and see where it takes you but I just have a feeling. Not necessarily a 'happily ever after bf/gf' one, maybe just a 'Actually this someone kinda gets me and I should spend time around them' thing. Either way, I'm going to make sure this time he and I hang out more often. I definitely need a Beez in my life.
Laura Izibor - If Tonight Is My Last
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