To Facebook or not To Facebook

That my bloggers, is the question.  At least in the modern world.

As you know, I'm a bit of a Facebook addict.  I'm not someone who logs in to play games (in fact send me an invite to play candy crush or farmville more than once, and you are likely to either be deleted as a friend or at the very least removed from my news feed), or posts on a daily basis (maybe once or twice a week), but I do click the app on my phone at least three to four times a day to see what people are up to and to check out any interesting links/music.  I basically have a mini snoop.

I joined Facebook perhaps mid way through the revolution back in 2007 as Mr X kept singing its praises compared to my 'childish' sites such as MySpace and Bebo.  At first I hated it, you couldn't customise anything, nothing much seemed to happen, and the only people I had as friends were those that lived in the states.  A few years later and I actually know a couple of people with two accounts!  (Come to think of it, so do I... One for this blog and another for me). You meet someone new at work... they send you a request.  You go on a date... they send you a request.  You get chatting to a few people on a night out... they send you a request.  You are tagged, poked and liked to within an inch of your life and everything happens at light speed.  

The key to success within this world I have found, is to be selective in whom you invite to this inner circle of comedy Kodak moments and unfiltered procrastination.  I never invite/accept someone I'm dating, I'm careful with work type people, and as for Katie who used to live next door to you when you were seven who suddenly popped up and sent you a request... Accept, wait a day or two and then delete.  Trust me, Katie only wanted a snoop and won't even notice, you and she have about as much in common these days as a badger and a hedgehog.

The however quandary arises when you meet someone and you decide to become exclusive.  These days everyone is on Facebook and so as sure as chickens lay eggs something at some point will happen that will act as a catalyst to the 'add a friend' reaction.  In my case, it was one of those 'he/she is at the bathroom so I will have a quick peek and see what is going on' in the bar moments that somehow sparked a conversation and abracadabra... 'Ser3ndipity has added you as a friend'.  

Cherry has now been on my Facebook now for a few weeks.  He has essentially been handed an all access backstage pass to the good, the bad, the ugly and if he spent a little time browsing, a pretty concise view of the last five years of my life. I hasten to add here that I have NEVER posted about Mr X or anything to do with my dating/personal life.  Cherry on the other hand... limited.  His Facebook consists of a few photos (perhaps 20-30 compared with the hundreds I have been tagged in over the years), and a few status updates and bits of blurb scattered around.  Don't get me wrong bloggers, I'm not one of these cyber stalker people, but when you 'make friends' on Facebook it is a bit of a given that the first place you will click is the photos section and in this exchange, I drew the short straw.  On a scale of 1-10 in the utilisation of Facebook stakes, it appears I am perhaps a 7, where as Cherry is most definitely a 3.  Don't get me wrong, from conversations, I know he logs in often and has a similar number of friends to me on there, but in terms of his own updates, minimal.  And that brings us to the current dilemma...

When should you update your 'relationship status' on Facebook?

Before you start jumping to teenage conclusions, let me explain why this is something on the radar.  I'm not one of those 'air your dirty laundry' Facebook users, if you have had a crappy day or someone has said something mean to you... keep it to yourself!  Don't go posting 'he said, she said' all over the internet and similarly, don't go updating your relationship status every time you get laid or meet somebody new.  I like gossip as much as the next person but trying to keep track of whether someone is 'in a relationship', 'single' or are 'in a complicated relationship' is exhausting when they seem to change their mind on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis (A particular girl I know springs to mind here who has kept the rest of the world entertained with her yoyo relationship and cheating on/off fiancé for at least the last six months).  I also don't want to hear your RIP messages, see what you ate for your dinner, or hear about 'what a wonderful bf/gf/husband/wife you have'.  Just keep it coming with the comedy gold, witty procrastination, new music, interesting articles; and the occasional update about what is going on in your life.  As for the rest... I can do without it. 

That said, when you meet someone, date a while and then decide to give things a go, there is something to be said for updating things in the cyber world.  It removes the need for that awkward moment in a conversation with one of your close friends when you know you should tell them you're now off the dating band wagon, but it somehow feels like in doing so you are standing on a table doing the whole 'look at me, look at me' thing.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that updating your relationship status online wouldn't bring about the same, if not more attention, but it is the equivalent of letting off a fart in an elevator, within seconds and without the need for conversation, everyone knows.  All it takes is one click of the button and you have suddenly made the move from 'Ser3ndipity who dates a lot and runs in the other direction as soon as a guy starts to want commitment' to 'Ser3ndipity girlfriend'.  Simple.  

Reading this back, I can see I haven't really made a great job of explaining why I feel making this move is perhaps an important one for me.  Maybe when all is said and done it is about taking the last step to firmly close the Mr X book and in some weird way, I need that to be almost like a public announcement? 

Either way, I feel like I'm in 'weird ass stalker territory'.  Cherry is clearly a private person and so asking him to make such an update could be something he feels really uneasy about, but just updating my own status without adding the 'with...' part I know will somehow not scratch the itch and so is something I refuse to do.

Who knew meeting someone new would be so complicated.

Kate Miller-Heidke - The Tiger Inside Will Eat The Child
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