The last few days Red, Evanessance, Gstar (and in a surprise new entry) OOJ have all offered their thoughts on my current dating situation. Here's the breakdown...
Red thinks I would be insane to fly back over to see Miles. She asked what the end goal would be and suggested I might be kidding myself thinking I would be ok with giving everything up to move. Red has always been pro-Miles as she knows where the chips fall when I'm emotionally attached; that said her thoughts are that Miles is now verging on messing me about with his lack of clarity and statements of not thinking of things in terms of 'in a box'. I mentioned BMWs recent contact and her thoughts were I should entertain the network possibilities but that ultimately, if I liked BMW I wouldn't be thinking about Miles all the time, and if the Miles thing was going to happen he needs to step outside his comfort zone as she says she sees me looking to make all the effort and thinks I'm mad to contemplate it if we aren't two people working towards the same thing. Her parting words were that I should put myself online and start fresh.
Evanessance loves that BMW is back in touch as the opportunity for work day related flirtation is a deviance she is a firm advocate of. Her thoughts of Miles are very similar to Red's. She has told me to stop messing about and ask him outright where we are. Evanessance of all people understands the anxiety Miles deals with, but in her own words 'nobody is that clueless about what they want'. She thinks I should give it to Valentines at the latest and if nothing is forthcoming make the move to firm friendship and cut everything else out to move on. She says she knows how much I care for Miles but that I'm in danger of letting him walk all over me when he's had 4 months to find the words to tell me exactly how he feels. Evanessance also said I should accept any dates I'm asked on because Miles hasn't done anything to 'stake a claim' and he should be at the very least doing that if he wanted to see how things go when we meet again.
Gstar is telling me to play with fire and keep talking with Miles while throwing caution to the wind and go on dates with BMW and any other guy that asks. He told me this is the most cautious he has ever seen me and while he understands why I think doing anything like that would feel like 'cheating' on Miles because he understands how strong my feelings are, but that he has never known me to be this 'meh'. He said I usually go after what I want and that I'm a very black and white girl and playing in a grey field doesn't suit me.
OOJ called the other day and it was sooooooooo nice to catch up. He gets married in a couple of months and he seems genuinely in the right place now. We spoke for about an hour about everything and anything, but just before he said goodbye he came at me direct... Just like he used to. He told me I need to concentrate on myself and not fixing other people. He said that he was genuinely pleased to hear that I had found someone to be totally honest with, especially when it comes to my health, and that Miles sounds really great for me in that respect and it makes a change for him to hear me say I feel someone is looking after me as much as I am looking after them. He told me to steer away from BMW because he can tell I'm not that bothered and would chew him up and spit him out. He thought the trip to see Miles was a good thing and said he could see me enjoying the type of relationship that saw me jumping planes and living in a long/short distance world for a while because it would let me test my fierce independence slowly. He didn't attempt to steer me in any direction but offered some words of advice that seemed filled with love and incredibly wise; he said 'if it is right, it shouldn't be difficult' that two people can face a whole pile of difficulty together, but that the actual decision to just be together should be one of the easiest and simplest things in the world and that while he can see I know what I want, it should be just as simple for Miles and so if there's a haze I should take a breath and realise that no matter how much I love someone, I deserve someone who would never question their feelings for me because loving me should be as simple and as easy as taking a breath.
Lots of advice!
I've fallen asleep on the phone to Miles the last few days. He makes me so incredibly calm and I feel so safe just knowing he is in my corner. Everyone can't be wrong though, they are right aren't they... If he wanted me, he would have made some sort of 'claim' by now surely? I mentioned going on a date the other day and his response was that he would care, but because he would want me to have a nice time. He followed that shortly by saying he thought I was fishing. I decided to go direct and ask about the Valentines thing... His response was that he hadn't thought it through or 'put it in a box'. So I guess that's the long and short of it. If he wanted me, he would of course want to define things in some way. Before we even met he defined things, he asked me out, we were exclusive (pending a wait and see).
When I stop and think about it, I think I've made a lot of excuses for Miles. I definitely believe I put him in an ultimatum situation when I was visiting, and I still think that wasn't the right thing to do given the situation, but I've also been too hard on myself since. A few days after getting back I did everything I thought I could to talk things through and try and take off the pressure, following that I didn't mention it again, and have stepped right back; but where am I? Where has that got me? I'm currently in a place where I have no idea where I am with him, any conversation I have where I try to work that out seems to be found at his amusement in some way, and here I am, single, turning down dates, and for what? He KNOWS I will be his friend regardless, he has seen that from me, so really there are no barriers to anything. In a conversation not that long ago Miles said sometimes he has wanted to talk to me but hasn't been able to due to his situation, I've no doubt that maybe finding decisions is also hindered, but there has to be a point where waiting becomes less like waiting and more like not moving on pointlessly
If he wanted me, he wouldn't be saying if I went on a date he would be hoping it went well; he would be saying 'I would hope you didn't go, and that we could see how things go when we meet again'
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
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