So a little bit of a break from the norm today as it has been a bit of an unusual one so here goes...
This morning brought a new day, sunshine through the window, the sound from a particular type of bird that I haven't heard since living in the countryside beside the beach of my home town, and the completion of another full circle.
A friend of mine lost his mum yesterday. You know how I like to give pseudonyms so lets go with Commadore. Commadore is someone I've known since I was four, yes four! We used to tustle over lego pieces when we were at nursery, traded games for our 'oh so advanced' commadore64 consoles (you see how I concocted his name lol), and I was recently informed (after we got back in touch a year or so ago having not spoken since I relocated when I was 10), that he may have been the recipient of my first ever love letter. I had apparently declared him 'wonderful' in a note I had stealthy slipped into one of the tape boxes for a game I had lent him. If only declarations of love were as simple in the world of the grown-up.
Commadore had been struggling in the run up to his mums death as she hadn't wanted to know how long she had left when the doctors had told them there was nothing more they could do. They had hoped it was months Commadore is due to marry his long-term fiancé in May but he wasn't so certain that she would and in the last few weeks because of events of days long gone, he has turned to me as a support mechanism to help him through and now she has passed, even more so.
Apparently years ago when my dad has his stroke and I was amid a myriad of abuse about having such an old parent from kids who clearly weren't raised to know any better Unbeknownst to me, Commadore had spent his time watching and trying to understand how I had put one foot in front of the other when knock after knock came. Don't get me wrong, not once did Commadore stand up for me or hold my hand as the older kids called me names, stole any belongings worth having while destroying the rest. Never did he step in and help as the rougher girls in our year cornered me to give abuse both verbal an physical; he was too scared. Yet despite this, it appears he absorbed it all and somehow after all these years things have come full circle, at a time when he is hurting more than he thought the world could. For some reason it is those thoughts of the young girl who never bowed her head, never stayed down, and always stood her ground, that appear to be at the forefront of his head.
It is weird to think that the actions you take at any given point in your life can in a bizzare way influence other people years down the line, especially those as an adolescent. It was definitely unusual for me to hear why despite his friends, family and fiancé, it was my perspective and shoulder he was looking to for supoort. For reasons and events that I haven't thought about for years.
I guess it is heart warming in a way, and it definitely is an event that has to see you stop and think. Does everyone have a distinctive personality within their core that is always there and stand you in good stead, but can equally become covered up and dulled down with everyday life? I like the idea that someone saw me even back then as a plucky individual, face to the wind, eyes open, head up, but am I still that same person?
Of course I'm going to be there for Commadore, like I would be there for anyone I care for. I know he has a long road to walk before he will have worked out his particular set of coping mechanisms, and my hand of friendship is held firmly out. I absolutely know how hard things are for him just now and I wouldn't wish his circumstances on anyone, but I can't help think that the Universe is somehow reaching out and trying to send me a message at the same time.
People have often told me that that are surprised when I express my lack of confidence or worries as they never seem to see a chink in my armour. I have always brushed those comments off with an 'its my workplace persona' or a smile while secretly thinking that the person in question doesn't really know me well enough. The thing is, to make an impression before you hit your teenage years for something like strength of character... surely that can't have been a facade, can it?
So I normally post a link to a YouTube song at the end of my blog, but I got a new follower on my shiny new twitter account this afternoon and after having a peek (as you do), there was a link to Soundcloud and a demo that not only is apt for today's blog but is absolutely beautiful so as I have a few times before, let me introduce another 'one to watch':
Lewis Paul - People
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