It seems Cherry is allergic to my cats. I'm not sure why this is something that hadn't kicked in on the Friday, but within 10mins of arriving on Sunday he was sneezing, had a runny nose and shortly after, super red eyes. A couple of antihistamine tablets later he said he was feeling ok, but his eyes were still itchy yesterday so I'm guessing we may have hit a bit of a speed bump. My apartment isn't particularly cat-like and people with allergies have visited before and have barely had the sniffles so his reaction was rather extreme for someone who hadn't thought they were allergic to animals. I can't think what else it could have been though.
The date on Sunday night was all about the low key and saw the beginning of a phase I like to refer to as 'Operation Kate Hudson'. With inspiration and a couple of ideas gleaned from the movie 'How to lose a guy in 10 days', experience and wicked sense of humour has seen me take this approach on a number of occasions when I am thinking I might want to make the step from dating into exclusivity. Let me fill you in...
As much as I would like to live in the land of the fairytale, the reality is that people are complicated and life is adept at throwing a curve ball. You can meet someone you think is the guy of your dreams and then 6 months later when you have invested time & energy something comes along and we girls seem to be surprised that we hadn't noticed before that we were 'a glorified booty call', 'a support mechanism', 'always going to come second to his friends', 'will be hated by his parents', 'have fallen for someone who can't handle you on a day when the crazy kicks in' and so why not cut to the chase and get a real feel for the potential future man in your life by throwing a few curve balls of your own into the mix before you commit.
In the movie Kate Hudson's character puts a guy to the test in a myriad of ways, most unrealistic in the real world (If you are curious click here) and despite her efforts Matthew McConaughey's character falls madly in love with her. I'm not saying this is the ultimate goal, but it's got to be a bonus to work out a few of the big things early on right? I say embrace the premise and test the waters of compatibility early on. There isn't really a play by play method to this as everyone is different, but for the purposes of the blog let me try and give you a little more insight...
1. The Girl Next Door
When you first start dating someone it is easy to fall into a trap that sees you months down the line wearing make-up to bed (despite the fact it ruins your skin) and sneaking to the bathroom first thing in the morning to re-apply the 'natural look'. Don't do it!
Yes, first impressions are important and there might be an occasion where mount Vesuvius is about to erupt on your chin and you want to lessen the blow but come on! Do you really want to set an unrealistic expectation? My advice... Take the plunge from Glamourpuss to Girl next door as quickly as possible as soon as you sense there might be potential. Organise a night in or something outdoors that sees you ditch the eyeliner, lipgloss, foundation, false nails/eyelashes and perfectly tousled hair for a smidgen of tinted moisturiser, a relaxed up-do and a touch of vaseline (I'm not completely insane... kissable lips are always a must).
And remember! This is about the entire look so off with the heels and the high 'fashion' clothing and in with the converse, comfy jeans and that crazy old jumper you refuse to throw out despite the fact it's all bent out of shape.
If he is truly into you... He will notice, but he won't care. If you believe the surveys in the back of those trashy magazines he might ever prefer you like this (I'm not sure I am completely sold on that one however).
2. Let the crazy out
You know those little neurotic-ism's that make you you? Well why not throw a few of them out there. Best find out now if he is going to stick around when you are juggling 101 things and the crazy comes out to play. Pretend all you like girls... level headed goes out the window when our hormones kick in. I don't buy into this 'time of the month' crazy b*atch thing, but there are times when I've practically observed myself losing the plot and have been unable to pull myself back.
I tend to bring quite a lot to to the table in this category and while I don't think I'm the most neurotic person in the world, better out than in! Check list for outing the fact I have what is verging on OCD when it comes to my dental care regime (cue disclosure of the handbag toothbrush and imported toothpaste requirements). Getting my sing on in the car or shower when my potential is in the vicinity is also a must. Lets also not forget to introduce my extreme phobia of spiders and refusal to stay in the same room as anyone while they consume a runny or fried egg.
3. Scheduling
I'm all for keeping your independence when in a relationship. It keeps things fresh, interesting and seems to steer things away from monotony. However, there will come a time when something crops up last minute or you receive an invite to an event you really don't want to go to alone if your diaries will clash, and I for one would like to think that on such an occasion the guy in your life will step up but why play the 'wait and see' game when you can so readily see how this would pan out.
Will he meet you for a 5th or 6th date on a Friday because it is the only night you are available even though he usually goes out with the boys? Can he skip rugby training this week because you just managed to get tickets to that gig you told him about last minute? Test, test, test.
However, remember girls... this one is about give and take. There will come a time when you might need forgo date night for a sports match or poker night and will need to practice your best smile so by testing the theory... You already owe him one :p
4. The Big 4
This is a tricky one. Most people already have an idea if they want to get married, have kids, relocate, Invest/Spend by the time they hit their mid 20s and for the most part, these desires rarely change. So why wait until you are a year down the line to start having the big conversations?
I'm not saying these subjects are easy to approach at any time, but surely right at the start is better than realising a year or so down the line the guy you wanted to marry, move to the suburbs and have kids with is someone who wants to relocate, embrace city life and has no desire to 'put a ring on it' or vice versa I mean where do you go from there?
Over the years I've become a master at gleaning the information required in these categories early on while avoiding the 'deer in the headlights' look. Embrace the random question game 'would you rather...' throw in some nonsensical ones and then hit him with it left field. Trust me, he won't see the agenda and it will give you an opportunity to let him know what you are thinking at the same time.
There are a few more but I think this blog is big enough for one day :p
Incidentally, Cherry was met with a couple of tasters from 1,2 & 4 during his visit this weekend and passed with flying colours. I had to giggle that the first thing two of my friends (Balloo and Cilla) said when I mentioned that he was coming over was 'Are you going to hide some of your toothbrushes' lmao. I didn't.
MYMP - I Think I'm Falling
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