I pretended so well. Then he called..
I don't know why.
My phone rang, his tone. I saw his name on the screen and everything just stopped...I wanted to answer so badly but how could I.
I couldn't look away, I wanted to pick up with every ounce of my being, but what would I have said? As soon as the screen turned blank I began to sob. I'm exhausted. My body is exhausted. My mind is exhausted. I'm empty.
I text Evanescence, even though it is past midnight there she answered straight away. The first thing she asked was if I had replied. I told her I hadn't, that anything I could possibly say to him now would be a lie. A lie to protect him from the truth. Why risk tearing someone down when there is absolutely nothing you can do to repair what is broken. Nothing I can do to turn back time to the place where I had something other than the irreversible to share, before all choices were taken away, before now. Before I lost everything; we lost everything we never knew we had.
He text shortly after. His text told me he had called to apologise but he guessed it was too little too late. There was no kiss, no sign of warmth.
Evanescence told me I should be proud of myself. That he is an ass. That I'm better off without him.
I don't feel proud at all. I feel lost. I feel mean.
I'm stuck in a place where there is no right answer. To call or text anything other than 'this is what happened to us, and I need you' would be a lie. To text nothing at all makes my silence the final one. To answer... Too unfair.
What am I to do?
Incomplete - James Bay
Click for soundtrack
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