YeeHahh

I can't lie... I almost lost my way.

Since my last posting the last phase of my life has officially ended and I'm firmly in 'anything could happen' land.  I've gone through a few stages along the way...

Numbness

Knowing I was leaving my job but not really 'feeling' it.  This lead to zero activity on the pro-active front and an all round grey mentality.

Logic

Due to a realisation that while numbness wasn't such a terrible place to be considering the tears, stress and mass panic surrounding my final few days in the workplace, I decided to tick a few boxes.  Handovers were completed, contracts signed off, things put in place, discounts allocated and CV updated.  I also made the decision that while I love my flat I need to be mobile as I don't necessarily want to stay in this city so the cats will soon relocate to mums (for the time being) and I will be letting my apartment go in favor of couch surfing and flat shares.  Storage organised.

Thoughtful

An exceptionally dangerous stage that can often lead to procrastination which as we all know is the enemy of anyone trying to make things happen.  This pretty much came about during my most recent bridesmaid duties trip.  Having officially left the office for the last time and having said my goodbyes while being met with a myriad of 'what are you gonna do's', my mind wandered a little and I have to say, my lazy kicked in.  Then I had to remind myself "This is not a holiday".

Panic

I don't know if it was the constant stream of 'what now' questions, the realisation that the sum of money I'm leaving with isn't enough for me to become some mad entrepreneur or eccentric, the lack of a planned day or just the look in peoples eyes when my response to the above is 'I'm not sure' that kicked it in but around 48hrs ago panic officially took hold.  I was in cold sweat, clammy palm territory.

Excited/Productive

Luckily yesterday what I hope will be the final phase (or at least my home for a little while) kicked in.  I have been waking early, hitting the net, networking, making calls, scanning for jobs and all round getting my house in order.  I can't say I have this plan nailed, but what I can say is that I'm confident if I attack the coming weeks with the same level of force I have this morning then I'm pretty certain I'll be in a shiny new job within a month.  *crosses fingers and toes

No-one prepares you for those moments in time when you are faced with a decision like whether or not to take voluntary redundancy.  I realise now that while I would never want to be in the predicament of having enforced redundancy thrown at me, to a certain extend it would be easier to deal with.  Having to make a choice to leave somewhere with a solid income in search of the unknown when you are single and know there is no-one else kicking about to pay the bills is a seriously daunting thought.  Come to think of it,  I only know of one other person in the same circumstance that decided to take the plunge and use the situation as an opportunity to look for something new.  

A history of being flighty is something I absolutely hold claim to, spontaneity is definitely in my blood and as for a need for change, absolutely.  The thing is, despite all of these characteristics I've never jumped with such uncertainty.   I mean, yes I've left a job without another lined up, but always at a time the job market was booming and never with any fear that I couldn't have something suitable lined up by the end of the week (6 days is the longest period of time I've been unemployed).  This time is way, way different.  The job market is terrible unless you want to work in IT, Recruitment or Engineering and let me just say (Disaster, Never again and Useless) to that. 

We are definitely in a time of change bloggers, no doubt about it.

Here's the rest

Bridesmaid dress bought and hanging up in my closet, Catchup with Baron, Herb and Clio went well and factored in some live music, plenty of booze, sunshine and a BBQ.  Balloo is currently in a phase of depression which I'm trying to help him through although I'm feeling a little peeved that he falls off the planet somewhat when he is ok again.  Beez and I are still in touch on/off via text and I'm sure we will catch up again in person soon.  No other men are on the scene and to be honest I really, genuinely don't have time for that at the moment. 

Is it possible that without realising I've somehow created my own mid-life crisis?

Robbie Williams - Old Before I Die
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