TFIT

Thank goodness it's my last day at work this week and hurrah for long weekends (even if this one isn't set for relaxing).  I haven't slept again and I've a good 9hrs to get through but after that is me,Spotify and the open road for a few hours - hopefully enough for me to actually shut off my brain.

I slept a little last night (thank goodness)!  I was talking nonsense and muddling up words yesterday after day 2 of no sleep.  I got at least 5hrs last night so am feeling much better today.

I haven't spoken with Miles much the last few days, he's had the kids over and I've been incredibly tired late at night when he checks in.  I hadn't thought there was a problem but yesterday he messaged. Asking if I was angry and seemingly annoyed at my morning and goodnight messages although I've no idea why.  I got the exact same good morning message back and no goodnight... I also had two I love you messages met with radio silence... maybe I should have been the annoyed one. Either way I messaged a couple of times,  called a couple of times and shortly after he rang and we spoke.  I've still no idea what was going on,  he said pretty much nothing.  He's terrible on the phone when other people are there.  I also had no idea if I was on speaker or not.  Anyway I'm sure it will be a storm in a teacup but with him having the kids longer and me travelling and with mum I doubt we will feel our usual selves for a while.

Gosh I'm tired!   My body is officially on strike!  I look dreadful.  I'm dreading the photos at the wedding.  Dreading them :/

I love my cousin,  we spent some of our time together as kids but come our teen years we spent a chunk of each summer holiday together... kid stuff and then adult stuff.  He's one of my favourite people in the whole world and I should be buzzing about meeting up to wish him luck in his new family unit,  but all I feel is anxious.  As usual a social event is tipping me over the edge and I'm using all my tactics to get myself to it.  Evil stomach churning go away! I wish my brothers were going... my family can be incredibly selfish sometimes.  It's infuriating.  I on the other hand think family is the most important thing... if I was on fire I would still make this event.  It's important.

Ok work time.  I'll see you on the other side.  Wish me and my 'no new dress and no decent clothes for the wedding' self luck x