Dull, Numb, Disappointed

i need to find time to blog later today as I need to say the things that are running round in my head aloud and I've nowhere to do that without tainting views and I know the impact that has on future encounters so here will be my place.  For now it all boils down to one simple thing... Miles and I going through a really difficult place where I'm not so certain he is pushing himself to new challenges anymore, and the here and the now that finds me about to drive on a foggy day over the boarder to see Herb, Barron and their new baby alone.  Miles is here and yet despite knowing how important it is to me didn't even approach the day with a maybe.  It was a straight no with refusal of discussion from the outset.  I can't begin to describe how disappointed and somewhat angry I am at the situation; especially as I've pushed myself to meet all his closest people and continue to push myself everytime we interact with his children virtually or in person (despite the fact I've made zero headway with them past not so random stranger), not so much as a night or a goodbye from the smaller ones.

Things feel so incredibly one sided with the exception of a few things.  I'm genuinely heartbroken about today.  What on earth am I going to say to make him not sound like an ass.