- Work is incredibly stressful. The entire workplace is turbulent at present and my role is incredibly undefined. I enjoy a challenge but this one could either work in my favour a huge extent or will leave me broken and furious
- The wedding is this coming weekend. I'm struggling to get everything done as mum wants to come back and I've been juggling a lot
- My car was in a bump. My new shiny car. I get a courtesy car tomorrow so that wil be my ride for the 6hr drive cross country to the wedding and back
- Financially I'm trying to make things happen. An extra bit of work here, a quick buck there... it isn't enough if Miles and I are to make it to the next stage (not without him having an income), and it certainly isn't enough to do my holiday next year. I really wanted 2 weeks somewhere secluded and with its own pool to bring in my 35th but unless credit cards come into play it's not on the cards
- My trip to see Miles is booked. I'm crazy excited to see him again. He is coming back with me but for an undetermined amount of time. He seems reluctant to pick a timeline and I need one to have the oh so awkward conversation with g-star. I've brought it up a couple of times and even suggested a couple of dates but he said he felt like I was trying to shorten what he thought was an extended trip. It's difficult. We haven't had the 'let's try to live together' chat so I need to walk the careful line as the last thing I want is a crappy flatmate situation over a holiday without and end date. A living together scenario is incredibly different. Miles hasn't really done the flatshare as an adult thing so I'm not quite sure he gets how stressful it is. I'm trying to act as go between with my anxious boyfriend and my recluse need to plan flatmate and OMG it's proving stressful. For some reason the stress of the conversation and how I need to go about bringing it up seems to be totally lost on Miles. He's giving me no time to work on tactics or to plant the seed and water it (which is what g-star needs); and is going to avoid it as a difficult subject leaving me the option to either A) sound like a broken record bringing it up all the time causing me stress, or B) leave me no time to do things the right way with g-star which (you've guessed it) will also cause me stress
- Health wise I'm on empty. My breathing is all over. I'm anaemic again I think. My skin is soooo bad, and my body has reacts by bloating - a new move in the ser3ndipity body disasters book
- Miles and I are good if a little strained at the moment. We have had our own things going on with work/kids etc so it's been a little pick up put down the last three of four weeks. It's definitely playing on my subconscious as I've been having the weirdest dreams and unlike the norm... people have faces. Miles also seems to be leaving his treatment homework to the 11th hour of the last day every week which is playing on my mind. I'm busting my balls looking at the bigger picture 'us' and he needs to pull his socks up and start realising his contribution to that is getting better and that it's a full time job not a last minute never think about it paper task once a week. Of course I haven't said that to him but it's hard. I'm hoping so bad I've got it wrong and he does do the logic it's just the writing down he is leaving, but I'm not so sure... he doesn't talk about his homework day to day or what he is working on so I've no indicators he is giving it everything he has. I need indicators. We can do anything and face anything but if I'm giving 100% I need to know he is all in too.
So bloggers, as you can see... lots! I'll fill you in again later this week :)
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