Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Holy Shitballs

So here's how it went...

Miles and I were talking on the phone as I was getting ready for work.  We had fallen asleep on the phone together (facetime for the win), and had sleepily brought in the day over cuteness before I had to jump in the shower.  When I got back I was smelling gorgeous (cherries and nettles... in case you were wondering), and we were flirting and joking around as I put myself together (hair, clothes and makeup) before heading out the door.

Over the weekend I had organised a birthday present for a colleague and had been in touch with my boss early doors (6am-ish) to agree that I would text to let her know when I was entering the building so she could take her for coffee while I prepared the mandatory 'desk eruption' of birthday goodies. A cunning plan I hear you say... That's until early morning Ser3ndipity got involved.

You see bloggers, early morning flirtation with your potential future partner is all well and good, but a mashup between that and work related chat is a recipe for disaster and boy was there a disaster!

My boss sent a random follow up text at the exact time I decided to snap a cheeky 'its cold, stiff nipples birds-eye view' snapshot and... you guessed it.  OH NO!

I spent the next 20mins in total panic stations. 

The drive to work has never felt so long.

Do I mention it?  Don't I mention it?  Do I pretend it never happened?  Do I laugh it off.  Will I get my P45... FUCK!

I arrived at work as planned, text to say I was there, set up the desk and spent the next 15mins dreading the moment they walked through the door.  Thank goodness there was a birthday.  I would sing happy birthday,  that's right; I would sing and that would allow me to avoid the inevitable and so sing I sodding well did.  Happy Birthday has never been sang with such gusto.

Wait a minute... she isn't looking at me oddly.  Have I gotten away with it?  God damn it, I think I have.  I've gotten away with it.

...


'Ser3ndipity'  Uh oh... I recognise that American tone

'Ser3ndipity, I meant to say, you sent me a picture message by accident this morning'  Oh my god!  She is actually saying these words, and loudly!  The woman has the vocal range of a foghorn! 
'Yeah, you sent me a message and...' Kill me.  Kill me now.  The entire office can hear her
'You sent me a picture of your knees'  Wait... what?!?!
'Yeah let me show you...' Oh hell she is walking round, she is walking round to my desk and yes, yes, the birthday girl is coming over for a look.  I'm done in. Should I rugby tackle her to the ground... Is rugby tackling your boss to the floor better or worse than a P45 for sending a snapshot of your tits?
'Look its right here..' There is absolutely NO WAY she will think it was knees if she looks again.  I'm done.  It wasn't even a sexy picture.  If I was going to be fired, I would at least want it to be over a sexy picture!  Oh why didn't I take a sexy one!!!
'Oh no, it seems I deleted it' Wait she what...
'Yeah, I've deleted it look'  She didn't...
'Oh well,  haha'  OMG she actually let me off. I mean I know she knows, and she knows I know, but no-one else knows she knows.  She let me off, and she showed me her phone so I know it can't bite me in the ass'  Holy Shitballs!  I got away with it.

I tell you bloggers.  If it wasn't true, you couldn't make it up!

Miles has since found a couples app for us to message.  Thank goodness!

Beyonce - Naughty Girl
click for soundtrack
Tricks and Tips