I'm not sure how it happened. When did the world change so much? How did I suddenly become the 'odd one out' in a sea of engaged and married people.
When you're growing up you never really think about being eternally single. You dream about meeting prince charming (or princess, whatever rocks your world), you hope you don't have to kiss to many ugly frogs along the way, and you just expect the 'Happily Ever After' part to fall into place. Funny how it never really works out like that.
I remember in my late teens watching people get into serious relationships and wondering what they were thinking, they were too young, they hadn't lived enough and why wouldn't they want to sample all the beauty there is on offer before tying themselves down. A few fell in and out of love and I myself found Clutz who stole my heart; for a few years at least. There are a few that have made it, taken young love and have married and settled down with kids. Do I envy them... not really. They gave up life's rich pastures too young I think.
In your mid 20s things tend to change. A new wave of relationships swoops in and before you know it a chunk of your friends have decided that living on the wild side is not for them anymore as they gaze into the eyes of the one person among all the others that sets their heart on fire. These I think are the lucky ones. Young enough to embrace experiences and grow together. Old enough to have taken a walk on the wild side. These people are now pretty much all married and with kids.
Fast forward to your late 20s and all of a sudden being single isn't as simple anymore. Most of your friends are in relationships and you suddenly become the source of their 'juicy gossip', who you are dating, who you kissed, what it feels like to be free as a bird. Compare and contrast and it is a bitter sweet pill you swallow but one you embrace with a deep breath knowing that unlike some in this phase... you were asked and you had offers but none of them were right and you refuse to settle.
Close your eyes and open them again and you find yourself in your early 30s, single, compromise free and suddenly wondering what the hell were you thinking. Yes you didn't settle and you can't help but feel lucky for that, but the relationships you tried to make work also failed and somehow you're now in the twilight zone. The last of your friends are now announcing first babies and weddings and even the more hardy suddenly seem to be getting engaged. Look around and you're surrounded by a sea of couples and somehow you have managed to turn into the party gooseberry. No longer are you the source of juicy gossip, we all know the sex and the city girls were well in their 30s when they started to settle down but this is real life and if you aren't CEO of some major corporation then you sure as hell better get ready to become accustomed to the pitying looks of 'too much baggage', 'too picky', 'too unrealistic', 'gonna be single forever' and forbid the horror of the 'young spinster' stare.
Yes I can safely say I chose my path to where I am and I stood my ground when lesser men came knocking but I'm not so sure I'm laughing now. Happily Ever After somehow seems to have become 'Someday Never'.
I wonder if the next stage is cynical. Oh please no, not cynical!
My someday never song.
Van Morrison - Into The Mystic
PS: I'm Back
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