SU-FI

Head on no messin' conversations had, the facts collated and then a frank conversation with my boss left me leaving work tonight under no uncertain terms the victor of the work challenge.

No doubt I will need to watch my back moving forward but life is so much simpler when you have someones card already marked.  You have to up the anti if you want to try and lead this lil froggy up the garden path and Austin it seems, was found lacking.  SU-FI Dumbass!


Needless to say I feel much happier about the work situation today and tomorrow I have scheduled a meeting with the manager for my operational area to iron out a couple of details moving forward and to ensure she is also left sound in the knowledge that I won't stand for any crap her either.

Yes.  All in all a pretty productive day.

Game On

It became apparent today at work that one of the other managers working in my  operational area has decided to climb his way to the top by trying to make a fool out of me in order to make himself look better.

Normally this would wash right over me, however as stupid as this guy is, thus far he has shown enough cunning to gain some buy-in.  I'm not going to lie, I was irked at work today when I realised the situation that had the potential to unfold before my eyes and I didn't really deal with it in the best way, however I didn't do anything drastic either.

It is hard enough in this world to get along without other people trying to drag you down in order to make themselves look better.  I've never done it, I hope I never will and the last person that tried to do that to me well... Long story short - I worked my ass off, got promoted ahead of him and then fired his ass.  Ruthless?  Yes.  Uncalled for?  Perhaps.  Completely and utterly satisfying?  Of course!  And I haven't lost a moments sleep over it since.

Tomorrow I will reassess the situation with a fresh pair of eyes to make sure I haven't missed anything.  I will ask the right questions, direct questions from the right people and I will make sure my facts are straight before making a move.  I have two days as the guy (we shall call him Austin - he has extremely bad teeth and only in the last six months has he started to brush his teeth.  Before you would have to hold your breath as he spoke as it smelt so bad) isn't back in work until Wednesday.

Needless to say, if it does turn out that this urchin is trying to make a fool of me, I will be dealing with it head on.  I might not be an aggressive person, but this whole 'sticks and stones' so ignore it mentality is utter bullshit.  

Game on you utter prick.  Game on!

Tick, Check, Next!

Don't you just love it when you have had a burst of organisation and have somehow managed to tick a heap of things off your 'to do' list.  Today I am having one of those days.

Tonight at work my entire schedule is planned and accounted for.  I have two training sessions to deliver (which are prepped), two coaching sessions and two meetings before heading home for a few days off (I had a heap of AL to use up before Christmas so this week has been a three day week - hurrah).

If only I had a bulging bank account to satisfy my needs to be on the go all the time and to get some awesome Christmas gifts sorted, that would be the cherry on the cake today.

The only plan I have for my time off so far is to make a rainbow cake as I've been set a challenge to do one by a couple of people I know that are mad on baking... It could be interesting as while I am a decent cook I'm not so much a dessert or baking guru, hence most dinner parties end at my flat in mini duo's.

The sun is shining, I have a heap to do today but I'm pretty organised.  Today is my Friday, tonight I plan on watching a heap of trashy movies while eating toast (I've had suuuuuuuuuuch a craving for toast the last few days but as bread is sooooo bad for you I never have it in the house) and drinking huuuge cups of tea :)

Yes, all in all while it isn't perfect, today life is good.  Lets hope nothing bursts my bubble.

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Olly Murs - Dance With Me Tonight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3EG4olrFjY

I kissed him goodbye and I have never let him go

There are so many things I miss about my dad and so many things I remember about him but the one intense memory I have is of me holding his hand and exactly how it looked.

Not long before he died when he was in hospital (I'm not sure if it was that time or had been the few years before when he was unwell), but I visited and I remember holding his right hand as I sat beside his bed.  I remember somehow jumping out of my body and saying to myself 'remember this moment, look really hard at the details and never forget it because someday he won't be here and you will need it when times are hard'.  

I remember the curve of his thumb, the softness and colouring of his skin and the kindness and warmth that somehow softly emitted him and wrapped me in love and safety.  Not his face, not his voice, not his eyes, but his hand.  His hand in mine.  There.  Laying on top of the starched cotton sheet and worn hospital blanket.

I still don't know to this day what made me step back and take it all in, that moment so I could lock it deep inside my memory, but it is the only image I remember well.

When I look at photos of dad they somehow don't resonate with me.  I don't remember him how he looks in photos.  He looks short and old and somehow pointy.  In my head however he was soft, and caring and while I know he wasn't tall there was something all encompassing about him that is taken away in photos.  He was a man who radiated warmth and caring.  When we had nothing, he would still find something to give away to someone who needed it.  And without a word he was my rock.

You always wonder what legacy you will gain from your parents...  I stole my dads emotions.  He loved wholly and deeply and when things hurt him, they did so in the same way and while you could tell if you looked into his eyes in the brief second his heart winced, he was never bitter or judgemental.  He just somehow seemed to soak up the badness and show more love and compassion than before.

I'm not as strong or as selfless as my father.  I can't somehow trust my emotions in the way he did.  I see him in me when I am in quiet moments  contemplating life and aren't wrapping myself up in the here and now. I see glimpses of how similar we could be.  I see his hand holding mine and teaching me every lesson I ever need to know in life with nothing but a touch.

Before he died I lied to him, a huge lie, one I can never take back and I know caused him pain.  I saw that look in his eyes before he wrapped me in a hug that evening in our kitchen and let me soak his shoulder in my tears.  I brought sadness into the last few days of his life.  I also brought laughter and I brought love.  I held his hand, and when he was gone I held his hand again, cold and pale.  I kissed him goodbye and I have never let him go.

He gave me my emotions and he showed me how to care; how to love.

I miss him.

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Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird American Mouth (Wedding)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7qEwT5L_zY&feature=related

Asshole

OMG I'm sooooo angry!

I think I've mentioned this before but I stay in touch with Mr X sister, we never talk about Mr X in any way shape or form and I never ask how he is doing.  Its not something we overtly avoid (for example she may mention they went to the mall together that day etc.) but it is never brought up as a subject for discussion and I think that is why we are able to stay friends as the two things have always been completely seperate.

Anyway last night when we were talking she mentioned something which she doesn't normally do about Mr X and I let her know we still weren't talking.  That was it, no conversation and no details. 

Today she is at the cinema to see Breaking Dawn (with Mr X as her hubby won't go with her) and as we both love all things twilight she text me a photo of her tickets from the cinema.  We had a bit of banter via text and then out of the blue 10mins later she text me 'Mr X says hello'.  I mean WTF!

The guy is a total ass, then completely ignores me and drops off the planet never asking how I am or what is going on, acting as if I never existed and then all of a sudden he asks his sister to say hi to me?!?!  What a fucking asshole!  

To try and make you understand how irritated that has made me feel... Imagine going to a restaurant, having the perfect evening, great food, great drink superb service etc.  and then when it comes to paying the bill deciding to leave a 20p tip.  Its 1000% worse than no tip at all.

Needless to say I thanked her for trying to be sweet but told her not to reciprocate and if he asked why to tell him to stick his hello in no uncertain terms up his ass.  Fucking moron!  I hope he chokes on his popcorn!

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Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RAQXg0IdfI

Winter Nights

Fun times have not been had by all this last little while bloggers.  My shoulder is nothing short of a royal pain in the ass, I haven't had a decent night sleep in ages and I have a cold.  All in all it is safe to say November thus far hasn't set my world on fire and has been a month of quiet contemplation.

Anyway sucking it in today I plan on having some serious Ser3ndipity time, a bath, some daytime reading, munching on stodgy feel-good food, hiding on the couch under blankets and this evening watching eclipse with a couple of glasses of vino as Red and I are heading to the cinema tomorrow afternoon to see breaking dawn. 

I love twilight.  Despite being around 10yrs too old for it, I am a complete fan.  Don't get me wrong I have always liked vampire based things since Ann Rice glamorised things with her world of indulgence and fantasy but twilight is the first thing since interview with a vampire that has managed to truly pique my interest.  The films however cheesy manage to engross me and if I could delve into a world of fantasy I'd be hard pushed to think of one I'd rather enter than that of the Cullens and the Quilettes.  Yes, true escapism and just what I need at the moment.

Christmas is just around the corner now and it looks like I shall be enjoying the festivities sucking up singledom once again.  I don't mind the single part to be honest but there is something magical about dark nights creeping in and people somehow being nicer to each other as Christmas looms that makes me yearn to walk the city streets hand in hand with a gorgeous man.

2011 so far hasn't exactly gone to plan so over the next few weeks I intend on finishing the year with a bang.  Getting out and about as much as possible, meeting new people, doing new things and laughing and having as much fun as I can cram in.  

Its time to revamp the girl behind the red door.


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Answering Bell - Ryan Adams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Grkn6x6VWms&ob=av2e

Pebble In My Hand

I read this somewhere and its perfect...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

I think I'm one of these people that is destined to fall for someone rarely, and when I do I fall so utterly and completely in love with them everything else stands still.  When it all ends I fall apart and then coast. I walk, talk and as the clock keeps ticking I get on with life, never without a smile on my face or a plan for the future.  

Inside I'm standing still.   

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A Drop In The Ocean - Ron Pope

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVsrP9OJ6PA

What Was I Thinking

If ever in life you find yourself doubting your gut instinct and tempted to rethink or retract your actions bloggers all I can say is give yourself a shake and snap out of it.

This last week amid shoulder-ness I made a choice to rethink a previous decision and in a rapid chain of events it became exceptionally clear that you should never... NEVER in life rethink or second guess your gut instinct bloggers. Never!!
I shall be back in the life of regular blogging at the end of this week.

Circles and Spheres

Its strange how life has a tendency to repeat itself, situations will always arise that mirror those before, people will enter your life that remind you of someone from the past, and if you are luck you will be smart enough to avoid making the same mistakes over and over... If you are smart.

Mum is still here helping me with things as my shoulder is still a complete disaster, my appointment with the surgeon/specialist on Monday could not come fast enough.  I am still off work but am working and picking up 3/4hrs of work a day from home (that's all I can do with my limited access) and my boss is coming out to see me on Tuesday - I can't wait to get back to the grind again.  Uni has taken a bit of a back burner but I am sure I will be able to get back on track, I work better under stress.

Other than that news is pretty limited as I haven't been out and about.  Red and Wonka were both hoping to catch up with me this weekend but it will definitely be next week before we can.  I'm looking forward to it though.

Look-A-Like

A couple of people I know have said I really look like a particular celebrity, I soooooo can't see it myself and think it may be in relation to the types of character the person plays, never the less I thought you might be interested to know so here she is... Sara Rue.

Mum here at the moment as I am completely out of order till I see the specialist about my shoulder on Monday this coming week, hence the lack of blogging.  I'll be back soon though.